


I Can Be Your Heartache, You Can Be My Shame

by Very_Anxious_Bean



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: ? - Freeform, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety Attacks, Background Logic | Logan Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders Yells at Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Crying, Cuddling, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders Doesn't Say Anything, Deceit Sanders Doesn't Speak Any Lies In This, Fighting, Gen, Good Deceit Sanders, Hugs, Implied/Referenced Self Hate, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Minor Logic | Logan Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders, Out of Character, Parental Figure Deceit Sanders, Past Parental Figure Deceit Sanders, Swearing, Sympathetic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Sympathetic Deceit Sanders, That's Kinda Ironic, Warning: Deceit Sanders, author wrote this instead of sleeping, sleeping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-06
Updated: 2019-07-10
Packaged: 2020-06-22 08:33:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19663669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Very_Anxious_Bean/pseuds/Very_Anxious_Bean
Summary: Roman and Virgil get into an argument, and Roman snaps at Virgil to go back to where he "belongs." Virgil leaves and the Dark Sides are there to comfort him.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm just getting this out before I can't, so enjoy this! As always, read the tags for warnings and be careful, loves. 
> 
> Title is from "Dark Side" by Bishop Briggs

Roman and Virgil were fighting again. Of course, they had made progress from where they were in the beginning but they still bickered from time to time. This wasn't bickering, it was _fighting_ , and Virgil was anxious that Roman was going to start getting physical. 

"Virgil, are you serious?!" Roman yelled, "It's _stupid_ to make Thomas anxious about going to a party!"

"There could be creeps, we could get sexually harassed!" Virgil snapped back, "We can get kidnapped or-"

" _Why_ would that happen?! We'll be fine, we'll be by Joan and Talyn!" 

Virgil huffed, "What if they ditch us? And we get lost and then we can't get home and then we're trapped there-"

"Oh my god, Virgil! Those are just stupid little thoughts that are irrational!"

"My thoughts are irrational? What about your stupid quests and the Dragon Witch that you always fight?" Virgil snarled, "Your stupid ideas and the stupid thought of being a Prince when you can't even handle a little bit of criticism!"

"I can too handle criticism!"

Virgil ran a hand through his hair, "No you can't! You get bruised every time someone says something bad about your ideas! And you act like a _child_ whenever someone tries to tell you the truth!"

"I am a prince! I have a castle-"

"Because you think it up!"

Roman stomped over to Virgil, "What the _hell_ , Virgil? I thought we were over this!"

"You started it-"

"How did I start it! It was you and your stupid thoughts, you can't even let us have an hour of peace!" Roman shouted, "You're always panicking, making us help you out and making Thomas suffer from so much anxiety!"

Virgil leaned away from Roman, glaring at him and glowering.

"Oh wait, you _are_ anxiety. How could I forget? You're still the bad guy that loves to make anyone suffer." Roman spat, "You should just go back to the Dark Sides, where you belong." 

Virgil's eyes widened for a second before he was glaring again, teeth grinding against each other to hold back the tears in his eyes. He heard a faint gasp and saw regret flash in Roman's eyes but he sank out. 

"I-" 

"Roman, that is completely unacceptable!" Patton said, setting the plate of cookies down. "He didn't do anything wrong!"

"He was holding Thomas back from going to the party with Talyn and Joan!" Roman exclaimed.

Patton gave him a more disappointed look, "Virgil's doing his job. He's trying to keep Thomas safe, Roman."

"I..." 

Patton shook his head, "I'm heading to his room to check on him. You better apologise, Roman." 

Patton sank out and went to Virgil's room, knocking on the door. He frowned when he couldn't hear anything on the other side. Patton knocked again and then gently opened the door, gasping when Virgil wasn't there.

When Virgil sank out, he meant to go to his room, he swears. He was just trying to find comfort, he wasn't really thinking about where he was going to pop up. Turns out he instinctively went to Deceit's room.

"Oh my _god_ ," Virgil gasped out. He knew he was hyperventilating, tears streaming down his face. 

The door opened, "Virgil?"

" _Fuck_ ," Virgil screwed his eyes shut, his lungs starting to burn and his chest aching. 

Deceit walked to Virgil, sitting in front of him and immediately gently pulling him into a hug. "Virgil-"

"I- I can't breathe," Virgil clung onto Deceit.

"Yes, you can. You can breathe, in for four seconds, hold for seven, out for eight." Deceit murmured into Virgil's ear, "Do the breathing exercise with me."

Virgil shakily breathed with Deceit, gasping and going back to hyperventilating every other time. Deceit murmured comforting words to Virgil, assuring him that he can breathe. 

The door opened and Virgil whimpered, burying his face further into Deceit's neck. There was a soft "Oh," and then a warm body was next to Virgil, a hand rubbing soothing circles into his back.

Deceit continued the breathing exercise with Virgil and eventually he could breathe evenly again.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Deceit asked.

Virgil was quiet for a moment, "I... Roman told me I belong here. I'm a Dark Side and-" he cut off into a sob.

"What Roman says isn't always true," Deceit said, "I'm sure he said that you were a bad guy too but he's lying."

Virgil clung onto Deceit harder, "He- he said that I... I make everyone _suffer_ and- and I insulted him too! Oh my god, I'm terrible-"

"No, you were doing your job. You protect Thomas, and you even protect others. You are not the bad guy and you don't make everyone suffer." Deceit said firmly.

"I insulted him!" Virgil pulled away from Deceit, makeup running and he could make out a blurry Remus to his right. "We fought and I- I insulted him! I know him, he's got- he has self worth issues and I made it _worse_!" Virgil's voice cracked and he sobbed, hunching into himself. 

"You had a fight and offended him," Deceit repeated calmly, "but that doesn't mean it's going to ruin your lives. You can apologise and you both can grow from this."

"He hates me!" Virgil wailed, fingers scratching at his wrist over scars almost instinctively. 

Deceit pulled his hand away, holding both of his wrists, and he noticed some were more recent that others. His heart sank, "No, he does not hate you. If he hated you then he would refuse to ever get along with you, you can't just go from loving someone to hating them the next second."

Virgil was still sobbing so Deceit pulled Virgil into another hug, letting Remus turn it into a (small) group hug. Deceit laid back, Virgil laying on him and Remus curled into their sides. Deceit pulled off his gloves and ran his fingers through Virgil's hair, comforting him whenever he started to panic again, and Remus never stopped rubbing the circles on Virgil's back.

Eventually, Virgil fell asleep on Deceit and Remus, who hadn't slept in two weeks (he seriously needed to start leaving Roman alone), also fell asleep. 

Deceit remembered when Remus and Virgil showed up. 

It was Remus first since he was Roman's twin and they both were Thomas' Creativity. When Remus started to show signs of being Dark, like making sexual jokes and being very graphic with murder or _other_ things, Roman kicked him out. Remus wandered around the area and Deceit found him. Deceit asked who Remus was and he immediately burst into tears, holding onto the older Side and wailed about how the Light Sides kicked him out.

Deceit took Remus in, assuring him that there was nothing wrong with him, and raised him. 

Then Virgil showed up, hoodie up and hunched into himself to look smaller. Deceit asked who he was and was a bit surprised when he muttered "Anxiety." But still, Deceit took him in and raised him just like he did with Remus.

Honestly, it was tiring taking care of Remus _and_ Virgil but he managed. He always let Remus do the same things Roman could do (colour or draw, jump on the furniture, etc.), it was just in the Dark's area. Virgil could do whatever he liked too but he usually curled up in his room.

Whenever Virgil was having an anxiety attack, he always went to Deceit. Deceit took pride in that but as they all got older, Virgil grew more distant. One time, Deceit was wandering in the middle of the night (he couldn't sleep and didn't want to bug anyone) and he found Virgil crying on the floor, blood flowing down his arms and panicking.

Deceit helped Virgil, comforting him and wrapping his arms up. He told Virgil that he's willing to help no matter what, even if it was two in the morning or if he was with the Light Sides. 

Virgil nodded his head and slept with Deceit that night. 

A year or two later, Virgil and Remus jokingly called him "Mom" and had no clue how happy that made him. A while after later, he and Virgil had a fight and Virgil left to be with the Light Sides.

Remus was sad and Deceit hid his heartbreak, it was almost like he lost a kid. 

But right now Deceit had both Sides with him asleep and he could relish having the two Sides with him again, even if it was for a few hours and Virgil went back to Patton, his "dad." 

Maybe Deceit would talk to Roman and make sure he doesn't hurt Virgil again. And make sure Virgil wouldn't hold a grudge against the Royal.

Remus shifted closer and mumbled, "Imagine Virgil in pastel..." just as Virgil moved, still asleep, and his hand flopped onto Remus' face. 

Deceit loved his kids, but they could be a handful sometimes.


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Profanity (swearing)

When the three Dark Sides woke up, Remus and Deceit didn't expect for Virgil to say that he planned on staying in his old room for a week or so.

"That is, if you haven't gotten rid of it somehow. Then I'd stay on the couch," Virgil said as he ate cereal. 

Remus stopped eating his deodorant, "What? Why aren't you going back to the Light area?"

"Why bother if they hate you?" 

"Well…" Remus trailed off then he got an idea, "I thought you'd like to kill Roman with me! We can summon a meat grinder and shove him in-"

"Remus." Deceit warned. 

Remus deflated, "Or not. We can go-"

"Remus."

"Maybe-"

"No."

"Fine," Remus huffed. He went back to eating his deodorant. 

Deceit sighed, "Virge, they don't hate you. Roman slipped up and said the thing he knew would get to you the most, just like when you were younger." 

"Right, okay." Said Virgil in the most unconvincing voice. 

"You guys used to fight all of the time, Virgil."

"But we were never that _extreme_!" 

"Actually," Deceit said, glancing through some memories, "you did. All of the time, you _both_ said the most offending things you would think of." 

"But we were getting better!" Virgil said, "And now he hates me again and he was right; I should stay here. Doesn't my past define me?"

"No," Deceit said, "If pasts defined people, Remus would still be considered a Light Side since he started out with them."

Remus huffed, glancing at Deceit with slight offense. Deceit would apologise later. 

"But Remus doesn't count!"

"Why?"

"Because that's different!"

"How?" Deceit asked, "Remus was with the Lights, now he's here. You were with us and now you should be with the Lights."

Virgil sighed, giving up the fight, before he put his dish away and left to hide in his room. 

"Are you _sure_ I cannot kill Roman? Maybe my mace-" Remus lifted his mace weapon- "can clear his head out!"

Deceit gave Remus the disappointed look and it was just like Patton's look of Parental Disapproval. It was probably because they had the same face. 

Remus pouted and crossed his arms. "Fine!"

"Fine," Deceit said back. He watched Remus deadpan at him before perking up and running off. Remus was probably going to write down disturbing stories again. 

Deceit made sure the two Sides were occupied (Virgil was listening to music and Remus was grinning at the computer, typing furiously) before he sunk out and popped up in the kitchen. 

He was hungry. It's not his fault, okay?

Deceit went to Roman's room and knocked. The door opened, Roman's lit eyes dimmed a bit. 

"Oh. Hi, Deceit. I wasn't expecting you-"

"I know and that's why I'm here." Deceit gently pushed past Roman and into the room. 

Right now the room was a forest setting, they were inside a cozy cabin but when Deceit glanced out the windows, there was a heavy rainstorm. 

"You're here for… what?" Roman asked, closing his bedroom door. 

Deceit turned to Roman, somewhat thankful that it was dark and his snake eye was glowing. He always looked more intimidating in the dark. "Virgil."

Roman perked up. 

"Ah, no. Stop. The two of you had a fight, and you're both going to make it up to each other."

Roman slouched before standing straight again. "I already had this talk with Patton!" He whined. 

"And you're going to have it again, with me. I'll be more straight to the point though," Deceit muttered, "Basically you're both upset because you insulted each other and now you want Virgil back and Virgil thinks that you all hate him."

"We-"

"I tried convincing him, he didn't listen to me." Deceit muttered. "Any way, you all need to convince him that you don't hate him. I can bring him here, but the rest is up to you."

Roman looked at the floor, frowning. 

"And if you ruin your chance, it's not likely he'll be coming back." Deceit added before sinking out and returning to the Dark Area.

There was a small echoes of, "Can we do it soon?" in Deceit's head from Roman. 

Deceit walked to Virgil's old room and tapped on the door with his knuckle, waiting for a "Come in" before entering. 

"Hey, Virge," Deceit said. 

"Hi."

Deceit sat on a nearby chair, "I was wondering if you could do something with me. I don't think it'll take _too_ long."

Virgil frowned, raising an eyebrow. "What's the thing?"

"I need to talk to the Sides."

Virgil went back to his phone, "No."

"Virgil, please?" 

"Depends on who we talk to."

Deceit felt a tiny wave of relief, "It's only the Light Sides."

Virgil huffed, "Fine. But we're doing it now and getting this shit over with."

Deceit nodded and the two of them sunk out to arrive at the Light's living room. Surprisingly (to Virgil), the Light Sides all arrived into the room pretty quickly. 

"Virgil!" Patton cried out, flying to said Side and wrapping his arms around Virgil's waist. Patton lifted Virgil in the air and spun them in a circle, making him cling to Patton's shoulders. 

"I- I thought you all hated me?" Virgil said when he was set down. 

"No! Of course not, Virge!" Patton said. He never let go of the anxious Side. 

"But I'm a Dark Side!"

"Virgil," Roman stepped towards the three Sides, "just because you lived with them, doesn't mean that you're one of them. I'm so sorry that I falsely claimed you were still like them and a bad guy, you're not!"

Roman took Virgil's hand and there were tears in his eyes. "I had no right to bring your past into our argument, it wasn't fair or right of me. It's a terrible thing to bring someone's past into light, especially if it was a dark one and said person recovered from it."

Patton's eyes gleamed for a second, making a pun out of the "dark past" but he didn't say anything. 

"I didn't and will never have the right to bring up memories that aren't treasured. Will I ever earn your forgiveness?" Roman wiped a stray tear off his face. 

Virgil exhaled heavily, examining the Light Sides' faces. "I'll come back." He mumbled. 

Roman and Patton cheered while Logan looked happy and they all gave Virgil a hug. It was sort of awkward. 

Deceit looked at Virgil and saw the small smile on his face. He smirked at the small group and sunk out, returning to the Dark area. 

It was painful to see Virgil go again but when Remus ran up to him, shoving printed papers into his arms and yelling about how Deceit needs to read his mini book (it was erotic and full of murder, plus disturbing imagery), it made it a little less painful. 

The thought of Virgil being happier also made Deceit able to cope with the loss again but he'd still miss Virgil. 

He could always visit Virgil whenever the other wasn't busy, anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this isn't that long but I just got back from a wild trip to California and I'm exhausted :))


	3. Chapter Three

It's been a few days since Virgil went back to the Light Sides and everything went back to normal. Meaning that Thomas never knew what happened that day, the Light Sides were having more family time, and Deceit was on the verge of crying because Remus ate through a tree he was tied up to. Deceit lost Remus and he doesn't know where-

"Remus, go away! Wait- give me my crayons back!!" 

And now Deceit had an idea of where Remus was. Deceit sank out to Roman's room and found Roman and Remus wrestling on the floor, crayons scattered everywhere. 

"Get off me!!" Roman shouted childishly, pushing at Remus' face.

Remus licked Roman's hand and Roman pulled his hand away with an "Ew!"

Remus grinned and took all of the crayons, cackling and running out of the room. 

"God- REMUS!!" Roman stood up and scurried after him. He shouted out an apology over his shoulder when he bumped into Deceit.

"Oh my god," Deceit sighed. He once again found the two in the living room, wrestling. 

Roman was trying to pin Remus to the floor but Remus kept on slipping out of his grip and kicking him away. 

Deceit bit the inside of the cheek, wondering if he should break it up, when he decided that Patton should be the one to help out. He winced when his fang pierced the inside of his cheek, making it bleed. Deceit sunk out and arrived in Virgil's room, glad that the anxious Side was typing up a Tumblr post.

"Hello, Virgil," Deceit said as he crossed the room.

Virgil looked up with a raised eyebrow, "It's not the brightest idea to be in my room, y'know. Especially if you're already stressed."

Deceit sat on the bed, "I'm not _that_ obvious."

Virgil huffed a sarcastic laugh, "Right, 'not that obvious.' Dee, you look like you want to cry and lay face first on the floor."

Deceit gave him a look that was similar to a cat in trouble. 

"It's Remus, right?" 

"Well, yeah. He was going to come over here-"

"He is here."

"I know. But I tied him to a tree for some peace and quiet but he chewed through it."

Virgil cocked his head, "The... the rope?"

"The tree."

Virgil stared at Deceit, both of them ignoring the yells from the Creative Sides, before bursting out laughing. "Oh my god!" 

Deceit took off his bowler hat and ran a hand through his tousled hair. "Very funny. It was terrifying, Virge!"

"I bet," Virgil wheezed. 

Deceit deadpanned at Virgil before letting a small smile on his face. "He ate the tree. He literally _ate_ the tree, that shouldn't be physically possible."

"Two things. One: we're in Thomas' mind, we all can do anything, and two: Remus talks about eating humans alive, are you seriously surprised that he ate a tree to escape?"

"I wasn't surprised, I was worried. He ate wood, Virgil."

"He's fine, he's wrestling with Roman right now-" Virgil cut off when they heard glass shatter.

The two Sides left and went to the living room, sighing when a window was shattered. 

"It's crayons, Roman. You can summon more, give them to me!" 

"No! Summon your own crayons!"

"This is _easier_!!"

Roman scowled and tugged the crayon box harder. "I don't care!"

Deceit put his bowler hat back on, brushing his hair out of his face. "Oh my god."

"Roman!"

"Remus!"

"Let go!"

"No, you!"

The crayon box broke and the two Sides froze.

"REMUS!!" Roman screeched, chasing his brother around. 

"And this is why the two are separated now," Deceit said. He sunk out, popped up beside Remus, and grabbed Remus' collar.

Patton popped up too, except he held onto Roman's arm. "Roman!"

"He started it!" Roman exclaimed, pointing at a grinning Remus.

"I only wanted crayons," Remus said nonchalantly.

"Ro," Patton said, "you should share."

"But-"

"No buts. He's also creativity."

Roman's face scrunched up, "But he'll only use it to draw porn or something!"

Remus smirked, wiggling his eyebrows at Roman. Roman gagged. 

"We'll be going," Deceit said calmly before sinking out, dragging Remus along with him. 

Virgil saw the small wave from Deceit. 

Roman crossed his arms, "He took my crayons!"

"It's okay, Roman, you can summon more." Patton said gently as they all returned inside. Patton snapped his fingers and the window was fixed.

"Here," Deceit said, tossing the box of crayons at Remus.

"Oh, I thought that Patton had them." Remus said, eyes gleaming and smile faint. 

Deceit shook his head, "I took them and then dragged you here. Have fun with them."

Remus squealed and ran off, going to his room and summoning paper on the way. 

A few hours later, Remus was being chased by Roman again but Virgil was screaming and Patton somehow got on the roof because Virgil's spider was released (by Remus).

Deceit dragged his hands over his face and sighed before going to help them out.

**Author's Note:**

> It's two a.m. and I have to be up at six at the latest :))


End file.
